Frodo's Choice
by anotherweasley
Summary: Frodo's thought's as he is on the river and about to leave the fellowship behind. (The Fellowship of the Ring).


Frodo's Choice  
  
The tears fall fast and heavy down my cheeks.  
  
"I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened."  
  
"So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given you."  
  
I am going to Mount Doom alone. All alone. No friend to comfort me, no guide to lead me. The thought frightens me. I know what needs to be done and yet still I hesitate here at the brink.  
  
I don't know if I have the strength to do this alone. The ring already hears its master's call. I can already feel the weight of it. The ring is getting heavier and heavier, yet I cannot get rid of it so much I am already in its power.  
  
It's not until this moment that I realize how much I have come to depend on the strength of my companions in this fellowship. I miss them already, even Boromir who tried to take the ring from me. It was not his fault. I see what would happen to them all if I stayed. The ring would drive them all mad for it. Even if it didn't, even if they were able to resist the temptation, I still am putting them all in danger. Sauron wants me; he wants the ring, not them. These Orcs swarming the woods are looking for me. Gandalf died trying to protect me and I cannot bear to lose anyone else. I think my heart would be forever broken if it did.  
  
The decision has already been made. I know what I must do. I push the boat and jump in. It is time to cross the river. It is time to start this next part of my journey. I begin to paddle away from the people I love the most in this world, all the people I probably will never see again. For I think it is a great possibility that I shall die in this attempt to destroy the one ring. Yet I draw strength from the thought they will survive. Strider, Gimili, Legolas, they are all trained fighters, but I never should have allowed Merry, Pippin, and Sam to come on this journey with me. It fills my heart with gratitude to know that they would have gone on with me, died to protect me. But eventually they will all, like Strider, come to understand my decision to abandon the fellowship, except maybe Sam. My Sam will not understand so much he has devoted himself to me. I hope he will forgive me. It will be hardest on him...  
  
"Frodo, no!!! Frodo!!! Mr. Frodo!!!"  
  
Sam is calling me. I can already feel the tears starting to well. The sadness overwhelms me as I paddle further from him.  
  
"No, Sam," I whisper softly.  
  
I must not falter. This is why I couldn't tell him I was leaving. He'd never let me go. It is bitter to part with him and yet it must be so. "Go back, Sam. I'm going to Mordor alone."  
  
"Of course you are and I'm coming with you!" he shouts in a defiant tone that in many years as mine and Bilbo's gardener at Bag End I have never heard him use.  
  
I don't want to turn around and look at him because I'm afraid my heart will falter. I don't want to leave him behind but I must. I am headed toward the greatest peril I have ever known and I can't risk losing him. I would never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to him. All our hopes rest in destroying this ring. I will not, can not, fail.  
  
Still I can't help turning around, getting one last look at Sam. I want a look at what I am fighting for-for goodness, for the simple peaceful life, for the Shire, for all Middle Earth. I hope the memory of this image will keep me going through this journey. What I see is Sam, determined, walking into the river coming after me. He will not leave me. Fear for Sam clutches at my heart.  
  
"You can't swim! Sam! Sam!!!"  
  
I paddle quickly back. Sam has disappeared from my view beneath the water's surface. The river is trying to claim him. All thoughts for the present of Modor and the ring leave my head. Sam's life is hanging in the balance. Finally I see him and reach down far into the water. I feel his cold wet, limp, hand finally clasp onto mine. I pull him into my boat, utterly drenched, freezing cold.  
  
I look at him in utter amazement that he would risk his own life, face his fear of water to come after me. Gratitude like I haven't felt since Bilbo took me in upon my parent's death, their own drowning accident, fills my heart.   
  
Sam looks at me with a sadness written all over his face. He wonders how I could ever leave him behind, and I am wounded deeply by the thought that I have inflicted this much anguish on Sam. I knew he wouldn't understand my trying to leave him behind. It was for his own good, but that is not how he views it.  
  
Sam's voice breaks as he says, "I made a promise, Mister. Frodo. A promise. `Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee.' And I don't mean to. I don't mean to."  
  
A tear falls down my cheek just as tears course down Sam's face. His loyalty, friendship, and love have shaken me to my very core. I have no words to express what he means to me. All I can get out is, "Oh, Sam." I reach for him as he does for me. We just hold each other for a moment, both moved beyond anything else either one of us can say. For a moment we are safe, at peace.  
  
Finally parting, the cruel reality of why we are out here in this boat comes back to me. I can feel the weight of the ring. "Come on," I say.  
  
We start paddling toward the other side of the river, leaving the others behind to find a safer road, while we continue the journey for which we set out for so long ago from the Shire. We are both neither the same people we were went we set out from the Shire. We have both been bent by our shared grief and fear. But despite that, I know my heart is lighter than it has been in a long time. I don't know how it will end, it will probably end in my death, and yet the fear has, at least for the moment, stopped growing in my mind. I am glad that my Sam is with me. So long as he is by my side, I have hope, hope that we will not fail, that we will save Middle Earth. 


End file.
